I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
