I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
