Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
