he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
