Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
