So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
