it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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