so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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