Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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