oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
