i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
