If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
