you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
