I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
