we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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