My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
