shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
