Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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