Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
