She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
