Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
