There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
