I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
