you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
