when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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