in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
worst night to have a conscience
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
