I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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