i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i drank out of a bidet.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
