Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
