Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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