I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
