If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
