just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
