I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
