I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
