just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
