I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
