and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
