I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
