I feel great
I just peed on a car
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sober January is a disaster.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I deserve this hangover.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
