Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
