I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
the raccoons are back...
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