You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
is it fun? or sober?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
