I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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