just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
