Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the day after is always just damage control
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
