I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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