guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
