how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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