my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
