addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to fling myself into the sun
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
