My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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