i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
