these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
